i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i believe in u and ur pee
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
