I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
