i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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