i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
