We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
