I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
