I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
