hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
