the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
