is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
