She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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