don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
