if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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