Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
