He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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