I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
