Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
