I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
