So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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