i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I can't put those talents on a resume
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
