it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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