Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
