I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Pants are for mortals
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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