I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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