im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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