five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we're making bets on your personal life
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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