I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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