Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
