WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
