note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
