Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
