I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
