just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
