fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
