The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
