drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
