Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
