Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
