If i come over, it means nothing
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
