can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
