If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
