Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
