So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
