sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think your dad took our porno
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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