i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
