I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
