If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
