My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
