This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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