You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
