Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
