It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
